Back in the day, when I was a quaking wreck out there on the slopes I noticed something very sad about skiing…

It appeared to bring out the inner bully in some people.

I skied with many mixed groups. Groups of people I didn’t know and therefore had no idea of what they were like in the ‘real’ world.

Of course, there were the normal group dynamics on show, the Alpha males strutting their stuff, the connectors, the people pleasers et al and as we met in the airport or the chalet lounge on that first day I generally came to the conclusion that on the whole, they were a great bunch of people, mostly passionate about skiing. I say mostly as there was nearly always a wife or girlfriend who obviously really would have preferred to be holidaying somewhere far, far away from the snow! (This is not a generalisation, in my experience these group members were always female!)

But….

The following morning, starting as early as the breakfast table and growing as we entered the boot room, the Jekyll & Hyde-like transformations of personality began.

The BULLIES reared their ugly heads.

These people became louder, more opinionated, started fighting (linguistically not physically thankfully) for the position of leader. They determined where we were going to ski and never once appeared to give any consideration for the range of ability (or lack thereof) within the group, also giving no thought to the fact that most of the group had not donned a pair of skis for at least a year!

The meek in this instance did not rule the world, they simply followed on becoming quieter and almost visibly smaller. We trailed along at the back of the group and when the bully up front decided they personally needed a rest, they would stop. And when they were recovered enough would set off again, usually as soon as, if not before, the tail end stragglers had even caught up let alone caught their breath.

This to me is nothing less than BULLYING.

And when you are already lacking in confidence their behaviour simply makes matters worse.

Of course, now, with my training, experience and the wonderful gift of hindsight, I can see these people for who they really are, and what emotion is driving their behaviour. And that is…

FEAR!

Yes, they are as fearful as the novice skier facing their first green run.

Let’s take a look at their fears:

• They are frightened of not being in control
• Of being led down a slope they don’t feel confident on
• Of being left behind
• Of holding people up
• Of the unknown
• Of looking silly
• Of not being the best

Hmmmm…. Strange that. When I ask my clients what is their greatest fear on the slopes, the answers are exactly the same!

So, with the season approaching (for the northern hemisphere that is) how can you prepare to handle these bullies and not let them strip away your confidence even further? Here are my top tips:

1. Use your voice. Learn to say NO. Practice this off the slopes before you get there, but be ready for some major life enhancing changes!
2. Know where you are on the hill at all times. Learn NOT to follow blindly.
3. Be clear and open with your feelings. Make sure there is someone in your group who you trust to support you.
4. Use your physiology to stay strong. Do not shrink like a fading violet. Keep your chin up (literally) and your core engaged.
5. Refuse to do anything that makes you feel unsafe. If they want to take you down a black run (because they want to go down a black run) refuse. Stand your ground. If you’ve followed tip number 2 then you will know there’s a safer, easier route down for you. I guarantee someone within your group is feeling the same way and will volunteer readily to accompany you.

And of course, there is always the option to choose another group! While sometimes this may appear impossible you can borrow my belief that there is always a way!

As I say in my book ‘Skiing with Confidence: Stunningly Simple Steps to Overcome your FEAR on the Slopes and Transform your Skiing’ this is YOUR holiday, YOU have spent your hard earned cash to be there and you well & truly deserve to enjoy the experience.